In my four years in Providence, I have always strived my best to listen to Pastor Joshua's words because it never stops to enlighten me, strengthen my spirit, and save me through my darkness times.
Today, I cannot help but thank God again because He once again sheds His light of realization upon me through His Word.
What I realized was, Providence is not about what we are, but what we can become. It's about making yourself on an individual level, and making the ideal work on a big scale, by putting God's words to practice. And that is a process that needs a lot of work.
Yes, everyone has a past.
Yes, I may not be good enough now, and I may have done something that you may not agree that may upset you, or make you feel bad. And people tend to label you "as is," or "you are like this or that," and I tend to automatically think wow, really. Yes, I am like that. I am not good enough.
That really beats up a person's confidence and spirit. And just zaps all the energy away from you. It can make a person go crazy.
The past is the past. Even something that happens a minute, a second ago, belongs to the past. And I cannot change that.
But that's not the point of why I am in Providence. If I just accept all the facts of whatever happened, then I may as well just stay where I was before. In Providence, there is always hope and vision because it's about pushing forward, and making things new. And making things from nothing to something. It's about whether you are willing to accept God's words and use it to polish yourself.
Pastor Joshua teaches the great truths that he realizes from the Bible by putting that Word to practice. He too, was looked down upon. He had nothing before. People always said he is wrong and he's too crazy about the Bible. But he became who he is because he refused to accept all the negativities that bombard him. He looks only to God, and he works only for his own salvation and others'. That's why I believe him, respect him, love him.
Even though I work so hard, even though I am changing and correcting myself, even though I am already making progress, people may still point out my weakness or whatever they think is not right in their eyes whenever there is a conflict. It's a natural process when people are working together. It happens when things are in progress but not made perfect yet. But if I just keep thinking and feeling bad about that, then the blessings that I already received with my hard work will be forgotten. It happened so many times before. It makes me tired. But this time I am going to say No. Nope, not going to let it happen this time.
As I meditate upon my Teacher's words once again, I realize, I can stop all of that, by stop being negative and by putting what I've learned into practice. I know what I am lacking because it becomes pretty clear if people tell you again and again, on and on. But that does not mean I will always be like that. And there is no need to justify myself by saying what is right or wrong. But just wait and see. Even though I don't have it, I am going to make myself so that I will have it one day, character, skill, etc. Yes, I know that does not change the fact that there will still be conflicts and struggling. But it makes that process so much more worthwhile because now I know what I'm working for. That gives me confidence to go before God no matter what condition or circumstances I find myself in and makes me rely on God so much more, because I know what kind of help I need from Him. And that, makes me realize once again how fortunate I am to be in Providence and be able to learn from Pastor Joshua.
In the Lord's prayer, we pray that God can give us daily bread.
We work so hard everyday because there is a basic necessity that we need to fulfill, which is to eat. If you work hard, you can eat well because you have a bigger appetite. And you will be so happy to enjoy the food which is the fruit of your work.
In Providence too, we work hard so that we can get a taste of God's Word. Not the superficial, just-for-your-knowledge Word, but Word that can bring you tears and joy and realization by experiencing and having a taste of God's deep heart, because we do the work of God by preaching the gospel and making peace.
Still, I am one happy worker.